Lady's love vulnerability. So, stand outside their window at night wearing nothing but fake blood. Also, cry. There is nothing more vulnerable than a naked crying dude.
Here is a really good pick up line: " I'm gonna bone you so hard, that when you eventually have kids they can say they were molested." Make sure you say bone...
After an all night sweat-fest wake her up and say. "I would have made breakfast but I farted in your fridge and I don't want to eat farts. You're also fat." They love honesty. You'll probably receive a B.J. for that one. Or at least a pretty solid high five.
When your girlfriend/wife/young Asian boy goes to work, eat everything in the fridge. When they get mad punch them in the stomach and tell them that's how you feel right now because you're so full. This teaches compassion and you can't spell compassion without passion.
Buy them a cat. Then crush it's skull in front of them. Just for fun.
When Valentine's Day comes along, make them listen to that "working in a coal mine" song over and over. As soon as their eyes glaze over shout you're welcome as loud as you can.
This one is for the single dudes. Only wear sweat pants and make sure you have an erection as much as possible. That's so they can see what you're working with.
Every time they try leave the house threaten to cut yourself. This shows them how much you love them.
Wear a ski mask and rob them about once a week because Lady's are better at saving money and you need to buy beer.
That's it for now, losers. I'm bored now...
