10 things I would rather do than wake up early...

Seriously, I hate waking up early. I have a monthly work meeting I am forced to attend at 6 am. I normally work until 10:30 the night before. That just adds to the ass fuck that is my life (when I have to wake up). I like to stay up super late, play video games and drink. No big deal. It's just a simple pleasure I like to indulge in. So when I'm forced to wake up early it makes me want to kick god (or Buddha or wizards or whatever) square in the sack. Not super hard but hard enough so he knows what happened. These are the things I would prefer to waking up at the vagina of dawn.

1. Being raped by a horse. Have you seen those things? It looks like the arm of a German shepherd. Ow....

2. Getting stuck on an airplane filled only with Juggalos. Wow, I can't believe I even put that down. That may be my own personal Hell. Can you imagine it? All of them talking about what type of clown make up they use, or where they get their gigantic pants. Or how great I.C.P. is. I'm pretty sure that those are the only topics that those mental midgets can even slide past their lips when they aren't occupied with really bad track-weed and wine coolers.

3. Fight a bear. Bears are tough, dude...

4. Have a political conversation with a 16 year old. They don't know shit! They just think they do. I was the same way. Way to go kid, you've got ideals. I have bills to pay......shut up.

5. Travel back in time as a black or Jewish person. That is by no means a racist statement. They seriously got the shit end of the stick."God" pretty much punched them in the collective face.

6. Watch any movie with Nicholas Cage. That dude and his penis haircut totally bum me out. Who decided it would be a good idea to let him be an action star? They were wrong.

7. Eat a bowl full of homeless people's finger nail clippings. You're right that is a strange statement...

8. Sleep in the same bed as Robin Williams. I really think that would be super creepy. He kind of has that pedo-smile and all of that hair and stuff. I think I would cry.

9. Watch fat people eat. I hate doing that. It looks like someone throwing up in reverse.

10. Listen to nothing but I.C.P. over and over. Enough said.

Yes, I did half ass this. What do you want from me? It's early....